Why speaking in absolutes is ALWAYS a bad idea

You don't have to be a computer programmer to appreciate the value of words within a language, but it sure does help.  Your entire career and the success of the programs you build depend on your ability to choose the right words in the right combination, which the provide the proper instructions to the computer to run your program.  Choose the wrong words, or put them in the wrong order and it doesn't work.  The computer can't guess what you meant to say.  It only knows what you actually said.  And while you may not realize it, people behave in much the same way.  We can't rely on the other person guessing what we really meant to say.  It helps to say the thing you really mean in the first place.

Now, when you dive a bit deeper it's turns a bit into a chicken/egg type of dilemma.  While it's true that your choice of words and commands instructs the computer what to do, it's also true that you choose your commands based on what you want the computer to do.  It's much the same with human communication and spoken language.  It can be hard to decide whether you choose words based on the effect you want or if the words you choose create the effect, but what is clear is that words have an effect.  Not only on the person hearing them, but on the person speaking them.

The words we speak have a great impact in shaping our lives because they give life to our imagination.  They turn our thoughts and fears, our hopes and dreams, into reality.  Once a word escapes our mind it becomes a life form, capable of impacting the lives of others, capable of lifting the soul of another out of the depths, or cutting the heart of another in two.  The apostle James teaches us that the "tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity...and setteth on fire the course of nature."  Words shape the course of EVERYTHING we do, so we need to pay close attention to our words.

I have noticed a pattern in the words my children use.  They will ask me for a favor, or a treat, or some kind of reward, and, as any good parent should, I occasionally tell them no.  No, you can't paint the dog's nails.  No, you can't have an entire bag of Skittles 10 minutes before dinner (which is ALWAYS the moment they decide they are officially starving and can't wait any longer.  It doesn't matter when their last meal was.  10 minutes before dinner, they're hungry).  No, I'm not buying EVERY single thing ever advertised on EVERY single commercial on the Disney Channel.  And without fail my children respond "Dad!  You NEVER buy me anything!"  "Dad!  You NEVER let me have candy!" "Dad!  You NEVER let me paint the dog's nails!" Sometimes they'll try reverse psychology and say things like "Dad!  You ALWAYS let my sister have candy!", or "Dad! You ALWAYS buy things for my sister!" but in the end it's the same.  In their world, sometimes does not exist.  It's ALWAYS or NEVER.

Now this behavior isn't unique to children.  Plenty of adults say very similar things.  How often do we label someone by pointing out something that they ALWAYS do.  How often does someone say that their spouse NEVER helps around the house, or ALWAYS works late.  We have a tendency to speak in absolutes and it's a more dangerous problem that it appears.

To prove my point, I'd like you to try an experiment.  The next time you catch yourself speaking in absolutes, stop and ask yourself if ALWAYS or NEVER are actually the correct words to describe the situation. (If you're the kind of person who NEVER speaks in absolutes, have someone else help call you on it.)  For example, the next time your husband want to play golf on a Saturday morning and you find yourself telling him that he plays golf EVERY Saturday, stop and ask yourself if it's really true.  Chances are there are a number of Saturdays in his life during which he has chosen numerous other activities.  Perhaps the word FREQUENTLY, or OFTEN, or SOMETIMES may be better descriptions of his Saturday activities. 

(Quick side note.  You've probably noticed, and have likely already been annoyed by, the fact that I've capitalized certain words throughout this post.  It's my way of gently guiding you to recognize a pattern.  Hopefully you figure it out by the end.)

You see, the problem is that the moment the word ALWAYS or EVERY or NEVER leaves your mouth it becomes truth, either to you or to the person to whom you're speaking (which can also be you).  You immediately start to erase from your memory things that would prove your statement to be false.  Just because your wife spends the occasional afternoon on Pintrest instead of cooking and cleaning does not mean that she's ALWAYS on the Internet.  But when you say it, even if you only think the words in your mind, you immediately start to take ALL of the other non-Internet-related things you know she does with her time and you file them away in a deep corner of your mind.  You stop giving her credit for her actions and behaviors that don't fit your absolute, unequivocally correct statement. People are not perfect and because of that they are not consistent, so it is IMPOSSIBLE for a person to ALWAYS act in a certain manner.  Your absolute labels alter your perception.

There is one person that can get away with speaking in absolutes, and that person is Jesus Christ.  When he said to the prophet Joseph Smith that the words he had spoken would ALL be fulfilled, that's a statement we can trust.  Christ is perfect.  Perfect in ALL meanings of the word.  He is incapable of error or wrongdoing.  He is incapable of deceit or falsehood.  His word is more constant than heaven or earth. In Him we have someone in whom we can ALWAYS rely, someone who will NEVER abandon us and is there to comfort us in EVERY trial.

Of that, you can be ABSOLUTELY sure.