Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Tunnels - The light at the end and the darkness within

Even as I sit down to write I'm not sure what I want to say.  I've gone back and forth about how I want to describe my life over the past few weeks and what angle I want to show.  This blog is about living your life every day and finding the connections to the gospel and spiritual things but I've really struggled putting my thoughts together on this one.  In part it's because I'm still in the middle of the things I'll describe later and I don't have a happy ending a wrapped up in a neat little moral-of-the-story, but it's also because I'm not sure how much of what's happened I'm ready to share with the Internet.  So I'm just going to start writing and we'll see where this thing goes.

Let's rewind the tape to a couple of weeks ago.  It was a day like most others, only this one somehow turned out different.  It started like most other days-wake up, eat breakfast with my daughter, watch cartoons while getting ready for work/school.  Actually, scratch that last one.  We usually watch Animal Cops: Houston in the morning.  Anyways, I dropped her off at school and headed in to work.  Work started out like most other days at work, except that day I couldn't get anything done.  I was constantly getting interrupted, my boss kept tossing high-priority-have-to-be-done-right-now assignments at me throughout the day.  I was drowning and people were lining up to throw buckets of water on me.

We're all had days like that.  I had even had other days like that and had survived them with my sanity intact, but this time it was different.  Cartoonist Scott Adams, author of the Dilbert cartoon, describes it by saying that it all starts when one project becomes overdue.  You then start having to give status reports about why you missed that deadline and one by one all of your other projects fall behind until you're reach the point where every task you have becomes such a high priority that your brain can't figure out which one to work on and it snaps.

I think something similar happened to me.  What started out as a typical busier-than-usual day snowballed and never stopped rolling.  It wrecked me.  I started to panic and worry about everything.  I felt like there was a 500 pound gorilla sitting on my chest.  I had severe anxiety that just wouldn't go away.  Somebody was strangling my happiness and I was powerless to stop it.  No matter what I was doing, all I could think about was everything else that was not getting done and the weight of all the unsolved problems was crushing me.

The scary part is that it wouldn't go away.  I'm a fairly easy-going, easily-amused person, so when stuff like this happens it's not too difficult for me to hit the reset button and start things over.  I don't tend to get overwhelmed by things because I've been fairly good at understanding what I can and can't control and how to work from there.  But for some reason I was stuck.  In quicksand.  It was hard to get out of bed in the mornings.  It was hard to get dressed and go to work.  It was hard to be a father and husband.  I stopped smiling.  I started being short and irritated whenever anyone asked me anything.  I started to act like kind of a jerk, and it scared me.  I spent a couple of nights hiding in my bedroom trying to figure out what was going on.  I'm still not sure I know.

Here's what I do know.  I know that my Dad suffered from depression.  I know that various members of my family have struggled with addictions of all shapes and sizes.  What I don't know is if I was depressed.  At this point it's the only thing that makes sense but how does one go about diagnosing something like that?  Do I need someone else to tell me, or am I allowed to self-diagnose.  And even if there is an official reason for feeling sad and overwhelmed for an extended period of time, what do you do about it?  Do I take Prozac or some other drug?  Do I take up yoga?

So why am I sharing all of this?  As I mentioned before this blog is about sharing my journey with you.  It's about discovering how to stop drawing boxes around work, family, church, and all the other roles we take on and starting seeing God's hand in every aspect of our life.  It's about living the gospel on days that end in "Y".  And sometimes it's not easy.  I'm sharing this because somebody else out there is going through the same thing.  Somebody reading this wakes up in the morning wondering if it's even worth getting out of bed.  Someone is ready to throw in the towel and give up on a marriage, family, a job, or any other responsibility they feel is too much for them to handle.

To that someone, the only thing I can tell you is keep going.  You can't always see the end from the middle.  You won't always see the light at the end of the tunnel because sometimes the tunnel is really long, or has a lot of twists and turns.  It's only when you take an eternal perspective that you understand the tunnel does end and there is a bright, shining light at the end.  But don't get so caught up waiting to see the light at the end that you miss the light that is in  the tunnel.  In the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord taught Joseph Smith about that light (Doctrine and Covenants 50:24):

That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day
You don't have to wait till you're out of the tunnel to find light.  God is light and if we seek him earnestly we obtain His light which can overcome all darkness.  I love the description of light growing brighter and brighter until the perfect day.  I haven't had that perfect day yet, and there are days when the light seems dimmer than usual, but I know it is always there to guide our path and to brighten our souls.

I'm still learning how to allow that light in to my life, but I understand now that it's not the light that was withdrawn from me, it was I who blocked out the light.  It was there the whole time, I just couldn't see it.  I wouldn't see it.

Hopefully some day soon I'll let enough light in to see things perfectly.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Mike Pargeter, My Hero

I hope Mike is okay with me using his name in my blog.  I don't really have a way to confirm because I've never actually met Mike.  I don't know what he looks like, where he lives, or his favorite color.  I don't know really anything about him other than the fact that he saved my life, in a very figurative sense.  Mike, just like me was a guy with a problem.  The particulars of the problem are not important.  What matters is that Mike was somehow able to solve his problem and what makes Mike my hero is that he posted his solution in his blog on the Internet.  (Those interested in the gory details of my issue can visit Mike's blog.  Don't say I didn't warn you though).

This is not an uncommon situation for computer nerds.  Often when we run into a problem the first place we turn is Google.  I've often told people who ask me what I do for work that I'm a professional Googler.  The amount of information at our fingertips is amazing and between Google and YouTube, a solution can be found for nearly any technical challenge.  So as I sat at work and the clock sped right past 5:00 with me still glued to my chair, unable to leave until I'd solved this problem, I turned to the Interwebs for help and I found Mike.  When I needed help and answers to problems that were preventing me from moving forward I found someone else who had overcome the same problem.  When I need guidance and direction, I found a hero.

If this pattern sounds familiar to any of you, it's because the gospel operates the same way.  What are the scriptures after all, if not a collection of the writings of people who had problems and were able to solve those problems.  When you have challenges and problems that are holding you back you can turn to the scriptures for help and guidance.  Nephi reminds us that the scriptures were not written for the benefit of the authors but rather so that their "children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." (2 Nephi 25:26).  The scriptures are a spiritual Google, with answers waiting for all our deep, eternal questions.

The issue is that society is evolving and with this evolution we are losing the ability to glean what we need from the scriptures.  Social media has trained up-and-coming generations to digest information in much smaller chunks.  It's getting to the point where if you can't say something in less than 140 characters, you might as well not bother because nobody is going to read that far.  We're far to busy to pause on one topic for longer than 6 seconds because there is so much out there that we have to move on quickly to the next thing so we're not left in the dust.

Pop culture is evolving at an ever increasing pace.  All of you "cool" parents who just barely figured out LOL and BFF, I've got bad news.  You're still behind.  Trying to stay caught up with today's youth is a nearly impossible task because you stop and take breaks to digest all of the new information you get.  Your kids don't.  They consume and move one.  They're like the aliens from Independence Day that invade a planet just to consume it's resources and then move on to the next planet.  They don't think about how to create sustainable resources.  They are only concerned with keeping their appetite for new information fed.

So, reading the scriptures is hard for them, not only because it's written in a language they barely understand (you can call it English all you want, but when was the last time you heard someone actually say "Behold"), it's really long.  I mean, way more than 140 characters.  I often wonder if youth today wouldn't get more out of it if it were a compilation of tweets instead of volumes of scripture.

@nephi man my bros are jerks #goanddo #gettheplates #oldworldproblems #bornofgoodlyparents

@samthelamanite u can't touch this

@judas hey @petertherock at least I got paid #deniedhimonce #30pieces

We have to help our youth see that the scriptures are not just some boring, hard to read set of books that their parents and leaders make them read.  The scriptures are answers to our problems and our prayers, written by others who went through the same things.  They say that wisdom is what you get when you read between the lines and experience is what you get when you don't.  Learn from the mistakes of others.  Learn from Peter how to maintain your convictions regardless of the circumstances.  Learn from Laman and Lemeul how to listen to the Spirit and put aside your own pride.  Learn from Moses how to say yes to a calling, even when you feel wholly inadequate.  Find your heroes in the scriptures and follow their example.

If it weren't for Mike, I'd still be in my chair in my office tearing my hair out trying to learn what he already learned.  If it weren't for the scriptures I'd be somewhere else entirely. #iknowthischurchistrue

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Why speaking in absolutes is ALWAYS a bad idea

You don't have to be a computer programmer to appreciate the value of words within a language, but it sure does help.  Your entire career and the success of the programs you build depend on your ability to choose the right words in the right combination, which the provide the proper instructions to the computer to run your program.  Choose the wrong words, or put them in the wrong order and it doesn't work.  The computer can't guess what you meant to say.  It only knows what you actually said.  And while you may not realize it, people behave in much the same way.  We can't rely on the other person guessing what we really meant to say.  It helps to say the thing you really mean in the first place.

Now, when you dive a bit deeper it's turns a bit into a chicken/egg type of dilemma.  While it's true that your choice of words and commands instructs the computer what to do, it's also true that you choose your commands based on what you want the computer to do.  It's much the same with human communication and spoken language.  It can be hard to decide whether you choose words based on the effect you want or if the words you choose create the effect, but what is clear is that words have an effect.  Not only on the person hearing them, but on the person speaking them.

The words we speak have a great impact in shaping our lives because they give life to our imagination.  They turn our thoughts and fears, our hopes and dreams, into reality.  Once a word escapes our mind it becomes a life form, capable of impacting the lives of others, capable of lifting the soul of another out of the depths, or cutting the heart of another in two.  The apostle James teaches us that the "tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity...and setteth on fire the course of nature."  Words shape the course of EVERYTHING we do, so we need to pay close attention to our words.

I have noticed a pattern in the words my children use.  They will ask me for a favor, or a treat, or some kind of reward, and, as any good parent should, I occasionally tell them no.  No, you can't paint the dog's nails.  No, you can't have an entire bag of Skittles 10 minutes before dinner (which is ALWAYS the moment they decide they are officially starving and can't wait any longer.  It doesn't matter when their last meal was.  10 minutes before dinner, they're hungry).  No, I'm not buying EVERY single thing ever advertised on EVERY single commercial on the Disney Channel.  And without fail my children respond "Dad!  You NEVER buy me anything!"  "Dad!  You NEVER let me have candy!" "Dad!  You NEVER let me paint the dog's nails!" Sometimes they'll try reverse psychology and say things like "Dad!  You ALWAYS let my sister have candy!", or "Dad! You ALWAYS buy things for my sister!" but in the end it's the same.  In their world, sometimes does not exist.  It's ALWAYS or NEVER.

Now this behavior isn't unique to children.  Plenty of adults say very similar things.  How often do we label someone by pointing out something that they ALWAYS do.  How often does someone say that their spouse NEVER helps around the house, or ALWAYS works late.  We have a tendency to speak in absolutes and it's a more dangerous problem that it appears.

To prove my point, I'd like you to try an experiment.  The next time you catch yourself speaking in absolutes, stop and ask yourself if ALWAYS or NEVER are actually the correct words to describe the situation. (If you're the kind of person who NEVER speaks in absolutes, have someone else help call you on it.)  For example, the next time your husband want to play golf on a Saturday morning and you find yourself telling him that he plays golf EVERY Saturday, stop and ask yourself if it's really true.  Chances are there are a number of Saturdays in his life during which he has chosen numerous other activities.  Perhaps the word FREQUENTLY, or OFTEN, or SOMETIMES may be better descriptions of his Saturday activities. 

(Quick side note.  You've probably noticed, and have likely already been annoyed by, the fact that I've capitalized certain words throughout this post.  It's my way of gently guiding you to recognize a pattern.  Hopefully you figure it out by the end.)

You see, the problem is that the moment the word ALWAYS or EVERY or NEVER leaves your mouth it becomes truth, either to you or to the person to whom you're speaking (which can also be you).  You immediately start to erase from your memory things that would prove your statement to be false.  Just because your wife spends the occasional afternoon on Pintrest instead of cooking and cleaning does not mean that she's ALWAYS on the Internet.  But when you say it, even if you only think the words in your mind, you immediately start to take ALL of the other non-Internet-related things you know she does with her time and you file them away in a deep corner of your mind.  You stop giving her credit for her actions and behaviors that don't fit your absolute, unequivocally correct statement. People are not perfect and because of that they are not consistent, so it is IMPOSSIBLE for a person to ALWAYS act in a certain manner.  Your absolute labels alter your perception.

There is one person that can get away with speaking in absolutes, and that person is Jesus Christ.  When he said to the prophet Joseph Smith that the words he had spoken would ALL be fulfilled, that's a statement we can trust.  Christ is perfect.  Perfect in ALL meanings of the word.  He is incapable of error or wrongdoing.  He is incapable of deceit or falsehood.  His word is more constant than heaven or earth. In Him we have someone in whom we can ALWAYS rely, someone who will NEVER abandon us and is there to comfort us in EVERY trial.

Of that, you can be ABSOLUTELY sure.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Do you remember that one time when....?

Most stories worth retelling start with a simple question:  Do you remember that one time?  Whether it be an inside joke among family (coconuts) or reminiscing with a friend about an activity that it's still not clear how anyone survived (rotating drivers inside of a moving vehicle) these are the experiences that create the best, most lasting memories.  In the moment they occur they may not feel like events or experiences you'll have in your treasure chest of memories later in life but inevitably you'll find yourself siting down next to someone with whom you have shared one of these unique experiences and one of you will ask the other:  Do you remember that one time?

So here's the thing about these stories and experiences.  You can't share them with just anyone, but you have to share them with someone.  For example, I went to San Francisco last year on a business trip by myself and have some good memories of walking across the Golden Gate Bridge with a freezing rain coming in horizontally at what felt like 50 miles per hour.  It was the kind of experience I can easily see coming up in a conversation years down the road.  "Do you remember that one time we were in San Francisco and we got caught in that weird mini-hurricane coming back across the bridge?" (One great thing about these stories is their capacity to grow and enhance themselves with each retelling).  One small issue though.  The only person that will answer that question and add some of their own flavor to the story is me.  I was the only one there.  Sure, there were hundreds of other people in the vicinity.  I even said hello to some of them as we crossed paths, but the experience is mine alone.

Fast forward to this last weekend.  We had the opportunity to take one last family vacation to Bryce Canyon before school starts.  For those of you that have never been, make time and go.  If you go in the summer months you'll need to brush up on your French if you want to talk to anybody outside your immediate family and park employees-the place is loaded with tourists and almost all of them seem to be speaking French-but you can't beat the scenery and the experience.  Some of the views and things you'll see are of the once-in-a-lifetime variety.  A weekend trip there is guaranteed to be loaded with "Do you remember that one time" level stories.  My family still talks about the time our 3 year old chose the bottom of an 800 foot ascent to fall asleep, which resulted in Daddy having to haul a 30 pound sack of sleeping potatoes all the way back up to the top.  My wife's family still talks about a time before we were married that one of their friends crawled head first into a barbed-wire fence while playing night games and nearly lost an eye.

So, this last weekend was no different.  It started Friday night with some logistical challenges resulting in a late departure from home, resulting in not having enough time to cook dinner at our campsite before we had to leave for a concert being held that night, which resulted in stopping at a gas station on the way who advertised hot dogs (we were starving), which resulted in said gas station not actually having any hot dogs, which resulted in us purchasing some expired Cliff bars to tide us over till after the concert (we only found out they were expired once it was too late), which resulted in us being much more hungry that we anticipated after the concert, at which point we cooked our originally planned dinner and ate a great meal just before midnight.

All of that and I left out the best part.  The concert.  The Utah Symphony held what they called the Mighty 5 Tour in which they played outdoor concerts at each of Utah's five National Parks (bonus points if you can name the other 4.  I'm not giving you credit for Bryce Canyon).  The concert was amazing and was enhanced exponentially by the amazing scenery.  The venue was a place called the Canyon Rim and it's basically a large flat area that looks out over Bryce Canyon.  The concert started at 8:00 PM and ended just before 10:00, so we got to experience the full range of the beauty that is Bryce Canyon:  Amazing canyons and hoodoos, an absolutely gorgeous sunset, and a starry night sky that can only be viewed far, far away from the bright lights of the city.  Despite the fact that it's around a 5 hour drive to get there from my house, the concert alone would have been worth the trip.  It was once-in-a-lifetime.  One of the crown jewels in the memory treasure chest.  But I want to stay on topic here, so let me mention that I was not by myself.  My wife and 2 daughters were there as well as my mother-in-law, so I have people besides me, myself, and I that can fill in the blanks when I ask: Do you remember that one time?

This is one of the great lessons of life.  Don't pass up opportunities to have experiences.  Great things happen to people who say yes and aren't afraid to try new things.  Life-changing experiences and some of your best journal material is found when you surround yourself with loved ones and go and do.  The scriptures are filled with examples of people whose lives were changed simply by saying yes to an opportunity.  We would never know of Amulek if he had been to scared, or too busy, or too prideful to say yes when the Lord sent Alma to his door.  Think of how Nephi's life (and probably ours too) would have been vastly different if he had said "I will think about going and doing, but I'm not sure I want to.  I already made other plans."

Now, there are a few people reading this who probably feel a medium-sized finger pointed at them.  That's okay.  It's also intentional.  Part of the reason I chose this experience to write about is that although we had a great time, we didn't feel complete.  We were missing some pieces that would have made the experience that much sweeter.  Instead, when we sit down for Sunday dinner we will start talking about that one time we went to the Symphony at Bryce Canyon and not everyone at the table will be able to help polish the story and buff out it's rough edges.  Those who had the experience will feel a little awkward talking about what a great experience it was, not wanting to make those who missed out feel left out.

When Lehi had his dream of the Tree of Life one of the first things he was shown was his family.  The account from the Book of Mormon is tells us that several of Lehi's family were quick to join Lehi at the tree and taste the fruit, which made Lehi very happy.  We also learn, however that others of his family chose a different path.  It caused Lehi great pain to see his children choose other pursuits over family.

So, now that I've compared my relatives to Laman and Lemuel and thoroughly offended them, let me explain.  No, there is too much.  Let me sum up.  (Sorry, I couldn't stop the words from typing themselves).  I'm not saying that eternal salvation hangs in the balance because of a missed weekend camping trip.  What I am saying is that when given a choice between an activity with your family and something else, choose family.  When presented with a choice between doing something for yourself and something for others, choose service.  When the Lord asks you for your help, choose God.

All of our choice and our activities are being carefully recorded.  The Book of Revelation teaches us about the book of life, from which we will be judged.  At the end of our mortal journey we will sit down with the Savior, our Redeemer and Judge, and I imagine he may start with a question.

Do you remember that one time...?

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Please don't take my sunshine away

I recently attended a technology conference and one of the sessions was focused on website security.  This is something that people are becoming more and more aware of, sometimes painfully so.  The presenter in this session was trying to drive home the point that website developers need to be thinking about how to secure their websites from day one.  He related a how-not-to experience he had with a close friend.  This friend was getting ready for the release of a new website and he called the presenter the night before to see if he had any thoughts on how to make the website as secure as possible.  The presenter told him his best option was to not release the website.  The friend told him that wasn't an option, so the presenter suggested he change the website code so that when someone tried to log in they would immediately get logged back out.

The presenters point was that the night before is the wrong time to start thinking about security, but it got me thinking that the real problem with website security is users, not code.  The code by itself is harmless.  It's the users who make everything go wrong.  Developers and designers will often say-half joking, half lamenting-that the software would look and work fine if we didn't have to worry about people using it.  And the real issue is that when you allow people to use software and interact with it, you give them a degree of control over the software.  If you allow them to have too much control you put yourself at risk.

Now I realize that real life isn't like software.  Software is programmed and predictable.  Computers do what you tell them too.  In real life each person has agency and can make their own choices.  There are habits and behaviors that guide what we do, but it's not fixed code.  We can change our behavior and learn new habits.  But one principal that applies to both software and humans is what happens when we give control to someone else.

The Lord taught us in the Doctrine and Covenants that the "power is within [us] wherein [we] are agents unto [ourselves]".  So why would we ever choose to give that power away?  The power of choice is the one thing that is truly ours and cannot be taken from us.  We know from Job's story that many, many things can be taken away, but never our power to make choices.  But remember that just because something can't be taken doesn't mean we can't give it away.

In what ways do we give our power away?  What causes us to give control of our software to another user?  The prophet Mormon teaches us in the Book of Mormon that when we lose the guidance of the Lord's spirit we are "led about by a vessel is tossed about upon the waves, without sail or anchor, or without anything wherewith to steer her." (Mormon 5:18).  A ship on the open water without sail or anchor certainly has no power to choose her course, and so it is with us.  Without the Savior to anchor us and without his Spirit to guide us we can be left adrift in the world.

There are many subtle ways we give our power to others.  Have you ever heard someone say that someone else "makes them angry"?  Or maybe you've said it yourself.  When you use that phrase you are admitting that you have given your power to choose your emotions and reactions to that person.  Do you even know this person to whom you have given the most precious thing you have?  Do they even know that you've given them this great responsibility?  They now have power to control how you feel, so if they don't know, you'd better explain it to them.  Or you'd better hope they use this power for good.

My advice would be, don't give anyone this power unless you trust them.  You can probably give it to your spouse or significant other.  It's probably okay to give it to family and very close friends.  It's certainly appropriate to offer it to the Lord.  He'll never use it, but he will accept it.  But don't give it to strangers.  Don't give it to the guy who cut you off on the freeway.  Don't give it to coworkers, even if they have really annoying habits or if it seems they have made goals to ruin your life and they are working hard to achieve them.  Don't give it away without careful consideration

Always remember that you and only you have the ultimate control and thus ultimate responsibility for how you feel and how you act.  You are the author of your life's story.  You may not get to choose all the characters or all of the events, but you always get to choose how you act.

You are responsible for your own happiness, so please don't give your sunshine away.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

A rose, by any other name is still expensive

What's in a name?  We can thank good old Bill Shakespeare for posing some of the most though provoking questions known to man.  So let's ponder together what really is in a name.  Shakespeare says that a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.  That may be true, but if you're trying to get my attention in a crowded room, you'd better get my name right or you're not going to have much luck.  So is a thing defined by it's name, or is a name really nothing more than a label?

Let's take a quick refresher course in the English language.  Most of it speak it fluently, but few of us remember any of the rules.  For most of us it's a little like trying to redeem reward points or frequent flyer miles.  "I" before "e" except after "c", not valid on major holidays or on days that end in "y".  We're aware that rules exist, but no clue how to explain them.  Luckily for me I have a daughter in second grade who is learning all these rules for the first time.  Which means she still remembers them and I can ask her what some of them mean.

So we're going to borrow my eight-year-old's brain for a minute and talk about synonyms.  Hopefully we all remember what these are, but humor me while I explain it.  Synonyms are two different words that have a similar meaning.  They can often be used interchangeably without changing the meaning of a sentence.  So if I wanted to convey to you how tired I am right now after spending most of the last week remodeling a bathroom, I have several word choices.  Tired, exhausted, fatigued, demoralized, clueless (not a synonym, but still an appropriate adjective to describe me right now), just to name a few.

In the world of database engineering, however a synonym has a different meaning.  Without getting too deep into how databases work a synonym means you are picking a word to refer to some other thing in the database.  For example, let's say you have a table where all of your customers are stored.  The table will have a name which most likely cannot be changed without breaking almost all of your software.  Let's say the table is called "all_my_customers" (note that the underscores are fairly common because database programs don't like spaces).  Now, say that you really don't like that name and you want to refer to the customer table by another name.  You would create a synonym and then use that instead.  The table didn't change, but now you've to a different name that you like better.  It's just like giving the table a nickname.

I've noticed that sometime we run into problems in our life by combining these two concepts.  We use a new word that we like better and think that the meaning of the sentence is unchanged.  One example that comes to mind are the words slow and deliberate.  Sometimes we have coworkers who we would consider slow, but instead call them deliberate.  Or maybe it's the other way around.  The point is that being deliberate often looks the same as being slow, but it's not the same thing.  You can be slow without being deliberate.  You can also be deliberate without being slow.

By the same token you can be described as fast or reckless.  Sometimes they mean the same thing, or rather have the same outcome, but now always.  If you've ever watched a pit crew in a NASCAR race change tires, fast is really the only way to describe it, but it's definitely not reckless.  So you have to be careful which words you choose to describe things.  You can swap out words that mean the same thing, but you can't swap out words that you like better.  In other words, you can use synonyms, but be careful if you use nicknames.

We do the same thing with spiritual matters.  A prime example of mistaking synonyms for nicknames is patience and idleness.  It's far too easy to be idle and tell ourselves that we're being patient.  We refrain from action because we're patiently waiting the right opportunity.  How many of us have friends or neighbors (wait, is it leap year?  did I put the "i" in the right spot?) that could use an invitation to come to church or talk to the missionaries and we're patiently waiting for the right opportunity?  This is one of Satan's favorite tricks because we essentially convince ourselves that we're doing the right thing by having patience.  Aren't we supposed to be patient?  The scriptures are full of counsel to be patient, but it's almost always in the context of trials or burdens.  When we are counseled to be patient what we're really being asked to do is forget about our own timetable and trust in the Lord.  We are rarely ever counseled to refrain from action.

So we take a word that don't like -idleness- and give it a nickname -patience- and convince ourselves that we used a synonym.  This makes us feel better about doing to wrong thing, but it's a trap.  You've all heard somebody at some point say "Let's call it what it is" and this is what they're talking about.  If you find yourself facing a bad habit, confront it, don't give it a nickname.  A rose by any other name may still smell as sweet, but the same holds true for other things, like raw sewage.

The real question is not what's in a name, but rather what name did you choose.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

The Most Beautifulest Day

My 4 year old has developed a cute habit when she says prayers.  She has started to learn to pray on her own and we no longer prompt her with what to say next.  But she always starts the same way.  "Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this most beautifulest day."  Now, my immediate reaction the first time she said that was to correct her, but I decided not to.  I sounds so cute when she says it, and they'll be plenty of time for proper grammar later.  Between her Mom and her Papa (my wife's dad) she'll get more than her share of grammar tips.  But as time has gone on I have discovered entirely new reasons why I'm glad I resisted the urge to help.

As a computer programmer I deal with several different programming languages.  Some of the ones I use more frequently are Java, PL/SQL, Bash, Javascript, and a little bit of Python.  Now I realize that to most of you it's all Greek, but there are nearly as many programming languages as there are spoken languages these days:  COBOL, Fotran, C++, Objective C, Perl, Ruby, Lisp, .NET, Visual Basic, T-SQL, XQuery.  And those are just the ones that popped into my head.  Many languages mean many choices and they each serve a purpose.  They each have strengths and weaknesses, but they all have one thing in common.  They were invented.  Somebody at some point in time made them up.  Somebody decided they didn't like any of the existing languages and invented their own.

So, I'm used to dealing with words that aren't really words.  It's common for me to say things like "execute a query" or "dump the cache".  This is why my wife stopped asking me what I did today at work.  It sounds like I'm describing a botched bank robbery.  It's also why I can appreciate it when my daughter made up the word "beautifulest". 

Programming languages exist so that a human can tell a computer what to do.  Computers don't naturally speak the same language as humans, so we had to invent some kind of common ground.  When programmers find that the language they are using doesn't allow them to give the right instructions to the computer, they either find a language that does, or invent a new one.  In the same way, my daughter needed a better way to express how she felt about the day, but the language she was using (mostly English with some custom syntax and verb-tenses) didn't have the right word, so she invented a new one.  To her, beautiful just didn't cut it.  It needed to be the most beautifulest day.

Prayer can be an interesting thing.  As I've written before it gets very easy to fall into ruts and get comfortable with a certain set of phrases.  I try to avoid saying the same things over and over again, but one thing I've always repeated is "Thank you for this beautiful day".  I use that every time, not because I'm comfortable with it, but because I really mean it.  I am grateful for each day, and each day is beautiful, simply because it exists.  To help you understand my perspective I share some numbers with you from my service as a missionary.

I served in the Mexico Monterrey South mission for 25 months, from February 2000 to March 2002. I flew home 3 days after the closing ceremony of the Winter Olympics  During my mission I served in 8 different Areas and had 17 different companions.  I called home 8 times during my mission.  For those of you keeping track, most of those numbers seem a little high, especially the phone calls.  I should point out that all of them were authorized by the Mission President, and I would have been just fine only making the standard 4 calls, so let me share with you the nature of the other 4. 

The first one happened after I had been out for 6 months.  I received instructions from the Zone Leaders to call home and upon doing so I learned that the mother of the girl I had been dating had passed away from cancer.  The second call came just before Mother's day near the one year mark.  Again the instructions came from the Zone Leaders to call home.  I assumed that my family had to reschedule the Mother's day phone call for some reason, but that was not the case.  I called them only to learn that my Grandma Coleman had passed away.  I remember thinking that this was 2-too-many phone calls for a missionary to receive, so you can imagine my disappointment 6 months later when I received the 3rd phone call.  This time the Mission President, who happened to be our city for a Zone Conference, pulled me aside and asked that I call home immediately.  It was then I received the new that my Dad had been put in the hospital and diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and Guillan-Barre syndrome.  I was sure this had to be the last time I had to call home off-schedule, especially since the next couple of letters home reported improvement and his eventual release from the hospital.

I will never forget the 4th phone call.  I was serving as an Assistant to the President and we were in the Mission Office when the call came from the Mission President that I need to once again call home.  It was with a heavy heart that I received the news from my Mom that Dad was back in the hospital on life-support and the decision had been made to pull the plug.  I was shocked and devastated.  I thought that the Lord was supposed to protect his missionaries and their families.  How could this have happened?

With the love of my family, the support of an amazing Mission President, and my own testimony of the Gospel I decided to finish the last 4 months of my mission.  I would say it was a hard choice, but that's not the truth.  I talked to my Mom about it and there was no doubt in my mind that I needed to serve the Lord. I knew my family would be well taken care of and that I needed to finish what I had started.  In the coming months, I found out why.

I had the opportunity to travel throughout the mission, working with the Zone Leaders to help train their missionaries.  On one such occasion I accompanied the Zone Leader and his companion to visit a family that was nearing their baptismal date.  The mother and children were ready and willing, but the father was holding back, saying that he just wasn't ready.  The Zone Leader had done all he could help him, but they weren't getting through.  So I asked if I could talk to him.  I sat down with this man in his home and asked him why he felt like he wasn't ready.  He gave me all the standard excuses and I listened.  When he finished I looked at him and said that the time was now to make the choice.  I told him that you never know how much time you have left to spend with your family and you can't wait to do what you know is right.  The Spirit was very strong as I shared my recent struggles with him and he made the decision to be baptized with his family.

There wasn't another missionary in the entire mission who could have borne that testimony to him in the way that I did.  I knew at that moment why I been prompted to finish my mission, so that I could help this man and his family start down the path to receiving the blessings of the Gospel and eternal life with our families.  I was able to help them in a way nobody else could.

The Lord works through us and each new day we are given on this earth is one more day to bless the lives of those around us.  It's one more day to spend with our families, one more day to improve and grow, one more day to prepare ourselves for eternal life.

I hope that we can all be thankful for each new day and try to make it the most beautifulest possible.