Dear Meghan Trainor
On my way home from work today the song "Dear Future Husband" by Meghan Trainor came on the radio. As a nearly 40-year-old man I'm not normally one to like teenage pop music. In fact, I only happened to catch it because I was channel surfing during the commercial break on the sports talk radio show I normally listen to, but I stopped to listen because I liked the sound. It reminded me a lot of the Mavelette's classic "Please Mr. Postman". But then I heard the lyrics.
My first thought was that the song should really have been called "Dear Future Ex-husband". As I listened to the demands she was making of any man wishing to earn her love I was convinced that anyone brave/foolish enough to try and have a meaningful relationship that was so obviously one-sided would eventually (likely fairly quickly) buckle under the pressure and run for the hills.
Don't forget the flowers every anniversary
After every fight just apologize.....even if I was wrong
Even when I'm acting crazy, tell me everything's alright
I guess it's good that she's telling any future suitor what the poor sap is in for, but the way she goes about it is a sad commentary on where we are as a society. The blame does not lie with one single group or person, but the decline of good old-fashioned family values is summed up very neatly in this one song. We've reached a point where women feel like they need to make demands of men in order to be treated with respect, but the problem is that what they are really after is a warped definition of respect.
On its surface this song seems like a simple set of instructions on how men should treat women, but it's much, much worse than that. What the woman in this story is after is not love and mutual respect. She's after control and domination. When the instruction is given to the man to simply apologize after every fight, the man's promised reward is not love and respect, but something else entirely. What she offers the man who can correctly complete this assignment is that he will be allowed to "rock [her] body right". If you need that explained you'll have to ask you mother or your 5th grade teacher.
In a similar manner she instructs the man to tell her she is beautiful every night. Not so that she will feel loved and valued, but again for a different reason altogether. Completing this assignment will earn the man her "special lovin'" (again, no explanation will be provided for that euphemism either).
And in the ultimate irony, another set of instructions is given.
Don't have a dirty mind, just be a classy guy.
So there you have it. She is looking for a man willing to submit to her every whim so she can reward him with sex, but he still needs to be classy and have a clean mind. Am I missing something? It seems like society in general is missing something pretty important.
In 1995 The First Presidency of the LDS Church release a statement called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". This statement outlined our Heavenly Father's designs for a family unit. It reaffirmed that the family is the central part of the lives of everyone on earth and outlined each family member's responsibility to the family. Husbands and wives are to treat each other with love and respect and work together as equals. The power to create life was confirmed to be a sacred power to be used only under the guidelines set forth by the Lord.
Twenty years ago the leaders of the LDS Church were inspired to caution the world against the destruction of the family. I was a teenager then. I didn't think much of it at the time. It was a nice message, but it was stuff I already knew. Twenty years later, with a family of my own I now have come to respect it and it's wisdom.
Meghan is not wrong to demand that she be treated a certain way by the man who wishes to be her husband, but she misses the mark. She should demand to be treated with respect and dignity. She should demand to be loved and cared for. She should demand to be his number one priority, but rather than promising him carnal rewards for offering his soul to her she needs to offer her soul to him in return. She must treat him with the same respect, dignity, and love that she demands from him. Marriage is an equal partnership where two lives become one and two souls unite in one purpose.
She should also be patient. He should also be patient. In any relationship mistakes will be made. He'll forget your anniversary. She'll spend the day on Pintrest instead of cleaning the house. He'll go golfing on more Saturday's than you'd like. She'll drag you to more than one clothing store looking for the perfect outfit. And none of it means they love you less, or don't care about your feelings. It just means you both had lives before you met each other and it's not always a smooth transition trying to blend two lives into one.
When you engage in any romantic relationship, especially the one that eventually will lead to marriage keep at the forefront of your mind the simple fact that your partner is a Son or Daughter of God. That thought should guide your actions and mold your behavior toward them. Respect, love, admiration, adoration are all by-products of our undertanding of the other person's true worth and value.
Dear Future Spouse: If you want to be someone's one and only the rest of their life you need to at the very least be nice to them. If you want to be their one and only for eternity you have to do much more.
My first thought was that the song should really have been called "Dear Future Ex-husband". As I listened to the demands she was making of any man wishing to earn her love I was convinced that anyone brave/foolish enough to try and have a meaningful relationship that was so obviously one-sided would eventually (likely fairly quickly) buckle under the pressure and run for the hills.
Don't forget the flowers every anniversary
After every fight just apologize.....even if I was wrong
Even when I'm acting crazy, tell me everything's alright
I guess it's good that she's telling any future suitor what the poor sap is in for, but the way she goes about it is a sad commentary on where we are as a society. The blame does not lie with one single group or person, but the decline of good old-fashioned family values is summed up very neatly in this one song. We've reached a point where women feel like they need to make demands of men in order to be treated with respect, but the problem is that what they are really after is a warped definition of respect.
On its surface this song seems like a simple set of instructions on how men should treat women, but it's much, much worse than that. What the woman in this story is after is not love and mutual respect. She's after control and domination. When the instruction is given to the man to simply apologize after every fight, the man's promised reward is not love and respect, but something else entirely. What she offers the man who can correctly complete this assignment is that he will be allowed to "rock [her] body right". If you need that explained you'll have to ask you mother or your 5th grade teacher.
In a similar manner she instructs the man to tell her she is beautiful every night. Not so that she will feel loved and valued, but again for a different reason altogether. Completing this assignment will earn the man her "special lovin'" (again, no explanation will be provided for that euphemism either).
And in the ultimate irony, another set of instructions is given.
Don't have a dirty mind, just be a classy guy.
So there you have it. She is looking for a man willing to submit to her every whim so she can reward him with sex, but he still needs to be classy and have a clean mind. Am I missing something? It seems like society in general is missing something pretty important.
In 1995 The First Presidency of the LDS Church release a statement called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". This statement outlined our Heavenly Father's designs for a family unit. It reaffirmed that the family is the central part of the lives of everyone on earth and outlined each family member's responsibility to the family. Husbands and wives are to treat each other with love and respect and work together as equals. The power to create life was confirmed to be a sacred power to be used only under the guidelines set forth by the Lord.
Twenty years ago the leaders of the LDS Church were inspired to caution the world against the destruction of the family. I was a teenager then. I didn't think much of it at the time. It was a nice message, but it was stuff I already knew. Twenty years later, with a family of my own I now have come to respect it and it's wisdom.
Meghan is not wrong to demand that she be treated a certain way by the man who wishes to be her husband, but she misses the mark. She should demand to be treated with respect and dignity. She should demand to be loved and cared for. She should demand to be his number one priority, but rather than promising him carnal rewards for offering his soul to her she needs to offer her soul to him in return. She must treat him with the same respect, dignity, and love that she demands from him. Marriage is an equal partnership where two lives become one and two souls unite in one purpose.
She should also be patient. He should also be patient. In any relationship mistakes will be made. He'll forget your anniversary. She'll spend the day on Pintrest instead of cleaning the house. He'll go golfing on more Saturday's than you'd like. She'll drag you to more than one clothing store looking for the perfect outfit. And none of it means they love you less, or don't care about your feelings. It just means you both had lives before you met each other and it's not always a smooth transition trying to blend two lives into one.
When you engage in any romantic relationship, especially the one that eventually will lead to marriage keep at the forefront of your mind the simple fact that your partner is a Son or Daughter of God. That thought should guide your actions and mold your behavior toward them. Respect, love, admiration, adoration are all by-products of our undertanding of the other person's true worth and value.
Dear Future Spouse: If you want to be someone's one and only the rest of their life you need to at the very least be nice to them. If you want to be their one and only for eternity you have to do much more.
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